Why was I complementarian?
I was raised in the 70s and 80s by an Independent Fundamental Baptist pastor (he thought the Southern Baptists were too liberal) who pounded my mother and us girls with the comp verses regularly.
I found it painful to read verses like 1 Tim 2:11-15, 1 Cor 14:34-35, and Eph 5:22 but I could not deny they were right there in black and white in the Bible. I wanted to obey and please God so I toed the line and taught it to my (now grown) children too.
I had to admit, though, my parents’ marriage and mine were unhappy and dysfunctional. Also, I have giftings in administration, leading, and teaching, and felt God was cruel to give me those abilities and then tell me to hang back and wait for men to do it. I did the hard work of starting ministries, only to see them given to men less capable than me to carry on after the ministries became big enough to attract attention. In Board meetings, my voice was considered less valuable than men who didn’t even have boots on the ground in the ministry work, or who didn’t have my ministry experience. Simply being male gave them more credibility.
How did I come to change my mind?
I saw an explanation for 1 Cor 14:34-36 that showed how the “plain reading” contradicts the casual mention of women speaking in church in 1 Cor 11, and gave alternative interpretations that made a lot of sense. I wondered, “if we’ve done this with this passage, what about the others?”
I began to research what egalitarians say about all the passages having to do with women. I didn’t know who/what to believe, so decided to start attending seminary so I could gain better tools for research and access to a good library and people who have more extensive training.
I started seminary in my 50s and my first class was Hermeneutics where I learned the challenges of translation. It blew my mind! I realized that even though I had rightly been taught that the Bible is “inerrant in the original languages” I had put far too much confidence in English translation. I could see that translators have many choices and their choices are affected by their ideologies.
Besides changing my mind on this subject, it has opened the Bible to me in fresh ways and made my Bible study much more rewarding.
What difference has it made?
My entire life has always revolved around my beliefs about God and the Bible. I felt I was asked to believe contrary things and have a faith that wasn’t coherent. Now my faith/beliefs are coherent. More importantly, I have a different perspective of God, and that affects everything.
I used to see God as unfair and indifferent to justice, all while telling us to practice justice. He supposedly cared more about hierarchical lines of authority (even if they were violent and cruel) than he cared about humility and individual well-being.
Now I see a God who is infinitely humble himself, practicing mutuality within the Trinity, granting free will to humans and deferring to those free will choices (with some reservations).
I see Him as a God who sees me – truly sees me and cares.
My changed relationship with God has given me the courage to publish a book and speak out on this subject in spite of disapproval from many people who were very important to me.
I cared far too much about what complementarian family, church, and friends thought.
Now, I know God is with me and I have more peace than the rest of my life put together. I have lost much, but I have clarity and a deep fellowship with Jesus in his suffering. I can’t describe the peace and joy I have now, and I greatly appreciate my new relationships with others with whom I share this perspective.
My book is Bible Truth About Women: What They Don’t Tell You, found on Amazon or at my website, where I have a blog; you can also read more on Facebook or my Substack.